In Relationships, Are You The Lover Or The Beloved?

Thought Catalog


Whenever a friend has trouble in their relationship, I always ask the same question.

“Are you the bird… or are you the hand?”

Some friends think the question suggests one of them in the relationship loves the other more. That’s not true. Their love is equal. It’s just expressed totally differently. It’s like how the word for love isn’t pronounced the same by a German as a Korean.  But it’s definitely the same feeling.

The idea is childishly simple. Which is why I know it’s true. Einstein said if a complex idea can be explained in simple terms it means one understands it. I’ve thought a lot about it and this analogy works for all love relationships.

“The bird and the hand” is pretty much the E=mc2 of love.

Here it is. In relationships, there are two roles: the lover and the beloved. You’ve seen this dynamic at play…

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